If your child is anxious about the thought of going away this summer, do some thinking, planning, and talking now, so you can enrich your child’s experience before it even begins.

Is Your Child Ready?
Parents generally know when their child is ready for a sleepover camp. Temperament not age should be the determining factor. “Look at your child’s attitude toward being away from home, as well as your child’s personality factors,” says Frank Sileo, PhD, author of Bug Bites and Campfires: A Story for Kids about Homesickness.

Just because you went to a specific camp at a specific age does not mean this camp or age is right for your child. A parent needs to evaluate whether this camp will meet your child’s disposition and talents.

Which Camp is Right?
The Internet offers many camp-finder options, such as campparents.org, summercamp.org, or campsearch.com. Talk among friends, family or church members to find out about different camps. Also check with local sources like the newspaper, family magazines, and local parks and recreation offices.

Include your child in the selection process in order for her to be on board with the choice. Explore the different camp websites, pamphlets, and brochures together. What does she want to do at and get from camp? “When children are involved, even in a small way in the decision-making process, they experience increased feelings of control,” says Sileo. They will be more comfortable with the final decision.

Visit the camp with your child and speak with the director.  Get a feel for the camp culture and “look for cleanliness of facilities and interaction with child, find out how the staff is selected and what criteria is used,” says Jerry Huncosky, President and CEO, Frost Valley YMCA.

Talk about Apprehensions
Most kids experience some homesickness at some time during their camp stay. Talk with your kid and let him know it’s normal to miss home and the family. “Children often feel they are the only ones experiencing a negative feeling,” says Sileo.

Role play with your child about situations that he may not have experienced before, like finding a flashlight to run to the bathroom at night or asking his counselor for help. This helps build your child’s confidence to handle new situations.

Take a Friend?
Going to camp with a friend has pros and cons. Attending with a friend may help a shyer child take the step of attending a sleepover camp. However, your child may cling to her friend and not explore all the opportunities at camp if she’s with a buddy.

Build the Excitement
Emphasize the fun that she’ll have at camp. She’ll learn new crafts and play new games. “Your confidence in a positive experience will be contagious,” says Peg Smith, CEO of American Camp Association. “Families also can encourage healthy separation with overnight visits to family and friends throughout the year,” says Smith.

And don’t forget that kids love to hear stories about when their parents were young. Tell them stories about your positive camp experiences and what you learned.

Parents’ Hesitations
As a parent, you may have apprehensions when your child first goes away to camp. Remember: the camp director and staff are trained to deal with homesick kids. And more likely than not he’ll surprise you on how well he does at his first time away.  “In reality, 99% of kids flourish without the parent,” says Huncosky.

Sleepover camps promote growth and independence. At the end of camp, you’ll meet your kid at the bus or find her in a crowd and the first thing she’ll say is “When can I go again?”

Jan Udlock has five children who have all gone to sleepaway camp.

But it does help sharpen the basics needed to succeed in the sport, and once again the Corvallis Knights and Starker Forests are teaming up to sponsor a free kid’s clinic to help area youngsters develop their skills and fundamentals.

This year’s clinic is set to take place from 9 a.m. to noon June 30 at Oregon State’s Goss Stadium. It will be supervised by Knights’ head coach Brooke Knight; team players and staff will be the instructors. The clinic, for boys and girls ages 5 to 18, will emphasize the basics of baseball and ways to have fun with the game. Campers can expect lots of interaction with players and coaches.

“It’s one of the highlights of our entire season,” said Knights’ President Dan Segel. “Our players love working with the kids. Part of our mission is to have fun, create lifetime memories and perpetuate the game.”

Almost all of the Knights attended similar clinics when they were kids. Their experiences make them willing and enthusiastic teachers, now that they’re the ones doing the mentoring.

“I love doing that kind of stuff,” said former Knights’ pitcher Matt Boyd, who helped at the 2010 clinic before his sophomore season at Oregon State.

“I want to coach eventually, so it’s a step in that direction. It’s cool when people look up to you like that. It’s a good feeling, knowing you’re helping to make their day.”

The Knights moved to Corvallis in 2007, so they haven’t been here long enough for one of their clinic alums to make the team. But Boyd said attending such events as a kid helped make his goal of becoming a college or pro baseball player seem that much more tangible and attainable.

“It was a huge thrill for me, doing to clinics at the University of Washington or attending Mariners clinics,” said Boyd, who grew up in the Seattle suburb of Mercer Island. “It was so cool, looking at those guys, knowing you want to be in their position when you grow up.”

Knights’ head trainer Jeremy Ainsworth will be present to attend to campers if necessary. Participants must have a parent or guardian sign a liability release form to participate.

To get a copy of the form prior to the camp, email dan.segel@corvallisknights.com.

Registration will be available the day of the camp. For information, contact the Knights at (541) 752-5656.

“Crushes are serious,” says Julia Simens, a family therapist from Lake Tahoe Incline Village, Nevada, now living in Thailand. Crushes are also a healthy part of life. Besides being good practice for the future, they can teach kids a lot about relationships and themselves. On the other hand, they can also be a source of pain and difficult for your child to handle, especially into the pre-teen and teen years.

And Cupid’s arrow can aim low, striking kids as early as 7 or 8. While it’s easy to trivialize this experience, a child’s emotions are just as real as the fervor we might experience when we’re infatuated. “Kids can fall in love by all developmental measures as soon as you can begin to measure their feelings,” says Carleton Kendrick, EdM, a Boston-based family therapist.  “There’s no such thing as puppy love.”

Though you may not always need to get involved, there are things you can do—and things you shouldn’t—to help your child deal with love’s first blush.

DO:
• Have talks, but not “the talk.” Help your elementary-age child prepare to deal with a crush, which is a distant cousin to dating, by having an ongoing dialogue from a young age in a way she can understand about being respectful of her own body and herself. Then, as your child ages into the pre-teen and teen years, keep talking. Be aware of what’s going on, and acknowledge it with your child.

To bring up tough subjects like these and get your child talking, try starting with “Gee, I’ve read that…” then fill in the blank with what you want to address. Keeping the discussion going—despite all the eye rolling—lets your child know that you know what she might be going through and builds trust so she is more likely to come to you for advice if she needs to.

• Let your child learn from the experience. If your child has a crush and it’s unrequited, don’t trivialize it by saying things like, “Oh, you’ll get over it,” or “Well, that was just puppy love.” Instead, console him and let him be upset and grieve the loss.

• Teach your child how to deal with unwanted romantic attention. If another child has a crush on your child and it’s not mutual, encourage your child to politely nip it in the bud. Role-play at home and have him practice an “I’m not interested” script.

Kids on the receiving end of crushes can suffer from psychosomatic symptoms and not want to go to school. “It’s the same kind of thing I’ve witnessed with kids who’ve been bullied,” Kendrick says.

• Monitor the situation. Kids, especially tweens and teens, in reciprocal crushes can take things to the extreme by, for example, texting until all hours or spending lots of their free time with each other. Be sure to set boundaries, such as curfews and limits on computer and phone time, to help your child balance his responsibilities with his social life.

DON’T:
• Out your child’s crush. “One of the most dangerous things I see parents do is comment on their child’s crush in front of the child to other adults or horrors—to their child’s friends,” says Simens. Such insensitivity leads to embarrassment and undermines the confidence your child has in you. If your child can’t trust you with that sensitive information, how can he come to you with other important stuff in the future?

• Micromanage your child’s love life. If you know your pre-teen or teenage-child has a crush on someone, don’t fan the flames. “Imposing your more adult-oriented behavior onto the situation can lead your child to go further with a crush than she was wishing or contemplating,” says Kendrick.

If you’ve got a child in elementary school, however, it may be appropriate to suggest and arrange a play date with the object of your child’s affection, if  your child would like that. But it’s not healthy for kids in elementary school to “date.” That sort of exclusivity with another person limits your child socially.

• Say yes to sleepovers. Many parents struggle with setting limits. If your child asks to have a sleepover with her mutual crush say no, but in a respectful way. Keep it neutral by saying something like, “It’s really nice that you like hanging out with Jimmy, but a sleepover isn’t going to take place.”

Keep in mind that when it comes to crushes, your child can be crushed by your reaction to it. Keep it constructive – and positive.

— Sandra Gordon

Each stage of motherhood brings joys and challenges. Moms who thrive approach the process with openness, patience, and a sense of humor.

The Early Years: Can’t See the Forest for the Laundry
“Nothing beats super sloppy baby kisses,” says Kris Koenig, mother of five girls. Snuggling your baby, smelling her hair and watching her fall asleep in your arms is amazing. Fun firsts like smiling, walking, and talking make every mom swoon.

Mountains of laundry and epic exhaustion are not-so-happy facts of life in this stage. Remember: sleep deprivation is used to torture prisoners of war. Temper tantrums, potty training, and limit-testing can try the patience of any parent.

A willingness to be present is key, says Cathy Cassani Adams, Parent Coach and author of The Self-Aware Parent: 19 Lessons for Growing with Your Children. “Life with small children can be repetitious, even boring. There is a lot of watching and waiting and worrying.” Trust your own instincts.

The School Years: Homework and Carpool, Oh My!
Watching your child become independent is truly a joy, says Koenig. “Each year on the first day of school I shed a few tears, but they are happy tears because each year brings new experiences and knowledge.” Your kids will choose their own friends and make decisions without you. But they’re not grown up yet. “My son claims he’s too old to hold hands in public, so I sneak in hugs on the sly,” says Mary Miller, mother of two.

Letting go of control can be a challenge. Kids spend much of their day in school and you can’t take up residence in the adjacent desk. Good communication is a must. “Listen to your kids, be curious and ask questions,” Adams advises.

You may be spending less time together, but stay tuned in to their interests. While you’re at it, nurture interests of your own. “Put yourself on the list,” says Adams. If you don’t spend time alone, you won’t know who you are anymore. Set a good example and pursue passions of your own.

Teens and Beyond: Up, Up and Away
“It fills my heart with great pride to see what an amazing person my teen is becoming,” Koenig enthuses. It’s gratifying to see the results of your earlier teachings: kindness, respect, creativity, and achievement. Missie Ellis, mom to a pair of twentysomethings enjoys their holiday homecomings. “I love to listen to them interact with one another because despite the sibling rivalries they had growing up, their bond of brotherly love is very apparent.”

As much as you’d like to chart their life’s course for them, your kids will follow their own paths. Let them tell you who they are rather than telling them who to be. If you’re lucky, they’ll hire you on as a consultant.

“Talk to your grown kids about your feelings and your mistakes; be real and be human,” says Adams. By doing so, you let them know what they are feeling is normal. Support them, but don’t ask them to bear your burdens. If you feel lonely, lean on friends your own age. Rekindle romance with your partner. Rediscover what fulfills you as a person.

Lovin’ Every Minute of It
When challenges overwhelm, it’s natural to wish your kids were at a different stage of development. And we usually love the stage that plays to our strengths. You may feel comfortable dealing with your kids as babies but fear the terrible teens. Or you may wish that your kids would grow up overnight so you could communicate more rationally, on an adult level.

When that happens, reflect on the joys of today. And anticipate the joys to come, too. Susan Mather, a mom to two adults, is “looking forward to becoming a grandma in June and hoped to be the primary babysitter for the first year.”

— Heidi Smith Luedtke, Ph.D.

1. Research And Plan Ahead of Time. Snag the best bargains either by booking far ahead, or by waiting until the last minute. Use the Internet to book flights and hotels to avoid booking fees. Order free brochures from tourist board and visitor center websites; they often contain coupons offering discounts for local establishments.

2. Involve Children In Budgeting For Trip. Children are most likely to follow a spending plan that they helped to create. Listen and learn their actual priorities before planning expensive activities. Decide together what each person will be allowed for souvenirs and extras.

3. Pick The Slow Season. This is possible even with school age children. Expensive resorts in Florida and Arizona are often 50% cheaper during the summer. Yes, it will be hot, but the elaborate pools and other water features make up for it.

4. Start With A Picnic. The first meal of any family vacation should be one you bring from home. Whether shared on an airplane or a shady spot by the highway, a simple picnic is the first step to a thrifty holiday.

5. Carry Food and Drinks. Avoid high airport prices and bring food from home. Bring empty water bottles and fill after passing through security. Road trips offer even more opportunity to save on food costs. Carry shelf-stable snacks and drinks. Use an ice chest for perishables, with ice packs you can refreeze in hotel refrigerators. Visit grocery stores instead of restaurants.

6. Rent A Kitchen. Instead of a traditional hotel room, consider a suite that includes a refrigerator and microwave. You can store food and prepare some meals yourself, perhaps eating out only once a day. A condo is the best alternative for longer stays, as you get lots of space along with a full kitchen. Search “vacation rentals” on the Internet.

7. Stay Where Breakfast And Happy Hour Are Free. Many hotels offer the first meal of the day at no cost, and complimentary drinks and snacks are served in the early evening. Some places even serve a free buffet dinner, usually with kid-pleasing fare, like chili or pasta.

8. Dine Where Kids Eat Free or Cheaply. Look for specials offering free meals to kids accompanied by paying adults. Visit restaurants that have “children’s menus” and have your kids order from it. This strategy saves both money and wasted food. Consider ordering adult appetizers as entrees for children.

9. Try Camping. Lodging is the most expensive portion of many trips, so a family that learns to sleep under the stars can save real money.

10. Vacation with Another Family. This strategy offers several benefits. You can split costs on a large condo or house, and organize a babysitting exchange, so each couple can spend time together without their kids. Cooking chores can be shared as well.

11. Reduce or Eliminate “Shopping” as an Activity. “Browsing” in the quaint and elegant stores found in many vacation spots can blow a travel budget in minutes. Find more interesting things to do where you won’t be tempted to spend money.

12. Look For Free Activities and Souvenirs. The great outdoors offer hiking, beach going and sightseeing at little or no cost. In cities, look for “free admission” days at museums and other attractions. Search local newspapers for deals and coupons. Souvenirs can be natural objects like shiny stones or delicate shells (collected where permitted), or freebies such as coloring books given away by park rangers.

You and your family can enjoy great travel experiences for a lot less money than you might imagine. The keys are advance planning, the right lodging choices, and using available discounts. You don’t have to stay home!

— Sharon Nolfi, M.A.

When Junior league began in January, Dianne Nelson, president of Sick Town Candy Stripers Junior Derby, said they hoped for maybe a dozen girls ages 10 to 17 to show. Instead, there are more than 40 girls in the league with about 26 showing up regularly for practice.

“My goal in starting a junior derby program was to bring terrifically positive things to my daughter and to others that might feel they need something for themselves,” Nelson said. “Plus it’s fun and good exercise.”

The women of roller derby come in all shapes and sizes. Some dominate the track in speed and maneuverability, others dominate by teaming to block opponents. It really doesn’t matter what a person looks like. What matters is that they participate and work well as a team.

“Roller Derby teaches teamwork, self-confidence, self-approval and positive body image,” Nelson said. “It is full of female role models ready to mentor young women.”

The Candy Stripers junior league meets twice a week, and is trained by both current and retired skaters from the parent league, the Sick Town Derby Dames.

Built as a mentoring program, being a part of derby is like being part of a big family. There is someone there to turn to for advice.

According to Barbara Copple, head coach for Sis-Q Rollerz roller derby in Southern Oregon, derby can be a safe and reliable place for a young woman.

“All I have to say is I wish there was roller derby when I was a teenager,” Copple said. “With artistic and speed skating, my weight always played a role and a not so positive one.” The saying “derby saved my soul” rings true for many women. “A young lady doing roller derby will have a plethora of aunts that will protect her like their own family.”

Sick Town works hard to make sure that skaters who bout are physically ready and have the skills to be successfully bouting.

Nelson said since none of the girls who joined the league at the start had any previous derby experience — and only a few had any skating experience — junior league hasn’t done any contact or learned contact skills yet.

Come June, when the team has its next open enrollment, the bulk of the skaters will move up a level or two, and will start preparing for bouts.

When that happens, Nelson said “we’ll most likely look to our local junior derby teams to bout first — the Junior Gems in Eugene and the Rose City Rosebuds in Portland.”

Boys are welcome to join practices as referees.

The next new skater day is on June 20. Contact Nelson at sicktowncandystripers@gmail.com for details.

You’re Not Alone
It’s normal to be concerned about your weight and shape during pregnancy, says Michelle Collins, a certified nurse midwife and assistant professor of nursing at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tenn. Each woman interprets the changes in her body in a unique way.

“Some women feel liberated by pregnancy,” says Collins. The idea of eating for two can be license to overdo it. While excessive weight gain can be a blow to your self-image, more importantly it increases your risk of gestational diabetes and high blood pressure, especially if you pack on too many pounds in the first trimester.

Other women see pregnancy as a reason for restrictions. Even though they may be excited about motherhood, these women try to maintain their pre-pregnant physiques. But gaining too little weight puts babies at risk of premature birth and low birth weight.

Make Peace with Pregnancy
If you’re unhappy with your body, it’s time for an attitude adjustment. Here’s how to love yourself, even when your “fat pants” don’t fit.

Get perspective. Read books or ask your doctor about common physical changes during pregnancy so you aren’t alarmed by every bump, lump, or symptom, says Collins. It’s normal to feel a lack of control about labor and childbirth, and strong emotions can cause you to obsess about changes to your appearance.

Focus on function. Boost your spirits by thinking about what your body can do, not how it looks. You can never live up to social standards, and – even if you could – doing so might not be the healthiest thing for you or your baby. You’re building a person with tiny fingers, toes, eyes and nose. That is beautiful.

Tune in to food. In the context of body image, the old adage “you are what you eat” rings true, according to nutrition and wellness coach Jackie Keller, author of Body After Baby. “How and what we eat impacts our hormones, mood and energy,” says Keller, “it’s physiological as well as emotional.” Drink plenty of water and eat a variety of whole grains, healthy fats, fruits and veggies. Good nutrition nurtures your baby and your self-image, and healthy habits will help you shed post-baby pounds.

 Manage your energy. Fatigue makes it hard to handle emotional ups and downs. Schedule your most demanding activities at the times when you have the most energy. Pregnancy can be exhausting. You won’t be kind to anyone (including yourself) if you’re tired and cranky. Get lots of sleep.

The proposed changes to the diagnostic definition will be published in the fifth edition of the American Psychiatric Association's (APA) "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5)."

"Given the potential implications of these findings for service eligibility, our findings offer important information for consideration by the task force finalizing DSM-5 diagnostic criteria," said Yale Child Study Center director Dr. Fred Volkmar, who conducted the study with colleagues Brian Reichow and James McPartland.

Volkmar and his team performed an analysis of symptoms observed in 933 individuals evaluated for autism in the field trial for DSM-4. They found that about 25 percent of those diagnosed with classic autism and 75 percent of those with Asperger's Syndrome or pervasive developmental disorder, not otherwise specified, would not meet the new criteria for autism. The study also suggests that higher-functioning individuals may be less likely to meet the new criteria than individuals with intellectual disabilities.

Volkmar cautioned that these findings reflect analyses of a single data set and that more information will be provided by upcoming field trials overseen by the APA. He stressed that it is critical to examine the impact of proposed criteria in both clinical and research settings.

"Use of such labels, particularly in the United States, can have important implications for service," he said. "Major changes in diagnosis also pose issues for comparing results across research studies."

15 Ways to Create Magical Moments

A  child’s birthday has got to be the most anticipated day of the year.

Growing up with three siblings, one of which has his birthday only two days after mine, my parents tried their best to make our birthdays special. Each year on our birthday we would arrive home from school and there would be balloons, gifts and handmade cards around the “Birthday Chair.” As soon as we finished dinner and gobbled up our cake, the birthday child was directed to sit in the birthday chair and would proceed to open up their gifts. It was a magical moment for which I waited all year.

Now that I am a mother of two children, I look at birthdays in a whole new light. I think back on my own childhood memories and realize that I now have the control to create family birthday traditions for my children.

What children want more than anything on their birthday is to feel like it is their own special day. So find ways to help celebrate it with them. Here are 15 ways you can start your own birthday traditions to create some magical moments that your children will remember for years to come.

1. The night before your child’s birthday, decorate the house or their room with balloons, flowers or a homemade banner.
2. Wake up your child by singing the Happy Birthday song.
3. Start the day of by making a special birthday breakfast.
4. Pull out some baby pictures or other birthday pictures from the years past and decorate the house with them.
5. Stick a special birthday snack or note in your child’s lunch box.
6. Have lunch with your child at school and bring cupcakes.
7. Have your child help make her own birthday cake.
8. Plan a family outing that you will do each year: a trip to the beach, a picnic in the park, or even a trip to your favorite pizza joint.
9. Start a scrapbook each year on your child’s birthday and decorate the cover with a picture that was taken on his birthday.
10. Take a picture each year of your child at the exact time she was born or as soon as she wakes up.
11. Let your child pick out all of the meals that day. If he wants spaghetti for breakfast or pancakes for dinner—go for it!
12. Give gifts that reflect the same number as your child’s birthday. For example, if your child is 5, how about 5 markers, 5 lollipops, etc.
13. Make something for your child each year. A special pillow, frame, jewelry box or toy chest. She may not appreciate it now, but in years to come those handmade mementos are going to be the gifts she cherishes.
14. Create a time capsule. Each year on your child’s birthday put a photo of your child, a newspaper, perhaps a drawing your child made and a note of all that is going on in your life. File away for the future.
15. The Birthday Chair. Go on ahead, it’s been a tradition in my family for years, and to this day I still get to sit in the birthday chair complete with balloons and handmade cards— and now, so do my lucky kids!

Regardless of your child’s age or interests, birthdays are a special day for them. Even if their birthday falls on a school day, the key to making them feel special is to that remember the whole day is their birthday—so celebrate and let them enjoy it.

By taking some time out to create your own family birthday traditions, you will be giving your child something to look forward to all throughout the year.

— Kara Ferraro